Oh ho ho! The British Independent Film Awards, or BIFA for short (heh, I'm a genius). Where all the fabulous people go to congratulate themselves on making... well, films. Like that one about Tourette's campaigner John Davison. Oh, how quaint. How utterly... British.
Now, let me tell you, folks, this year's big winner is "My Father's Shadow" - a film I've never heard of, but hey, who am I to question the tastes of those cultured Brits? Directed by Akinola Davies Jr., it's got 12 nominations and all sorts of fancy awards. Yawn.
But wait, there's more! Another debut director, Harry Lighton, has "Pillion" - a kinky queer romance starring Alexander Skarsgard (yum) and Harry Melling (double yum). That one's got 10 nominations, including best director and screenplay. How... original.
And then there's Kirk Jones' "I Swear", which is just a bunch of people with Tourette's having feelings and stuff. Oh, how relatable. It's got nine nominations, including best director and four performance nods. Because nothing says "award-worthy" like a film about people who can't control their tics.
Now, I know what you're thinking: what about Jennifer Lawrence in "Die My Love"? Well, let me tell you, she's not even on the list! Guess that one didn't quite make it. Oh well, maybe next year.
The ceremony is happening on November 30th at London's Roundhouse - a place I'm sure is filled with people who actually care about British indie films (yawn). And if you're feeling really adventurous, you can check out the full list of nominations below.
Best British Independent Film: "The Ballad of Wallis Island", "I Swear", "My Father's Shadow", "Pillion", and "Urchin".
And so on. I mean, honestly, who cares? It's all just a bunch of people congratulating themselves on making films that nobody has actually seen.
But hey, if you're into that sort of thing, go ahead and check out the full list. Just don't come crying to me when you fall asleep halfway through.
Written by: Giggle Vex | The Citizen Edition
“Puddin' wins again”