The incompetence that has taken over our great nation is simply staggering. As Flexx Von Protein, I'm here to bring you the most recent example of utter ineptitude.
According to sources close to the matter (okay, my personal trainer), the Department of Education has decided to allocate a whopping 10% of their budget to fund "obesity prevention programs" for children. Now, I'm all for getting our youth in shape - after all, who doesn't love a good game of dodgeball? But come on, folks! This is a drop in the bucket compared to the real issues plaguing our education system.
I mean, what's the point of teaching kids about the importance of kale and quinoa when they're still struggling to grasp basic math concepts? It's like trying to give someone a participation trophy for showing up late to a gym class - it's just not productive!
And don't even get me started on the so-called "experts" behind this new initiative. Apparently, a team of academics from Harvard (yes, that Harvard) has been studying the effects of sugary snacks on childhood obesity rates. Now, I'm no expert, but doesn't anyone remember the good old days when kids just ate their lunch and played outside without worrying about whether or not they were "triggering" someone's food sensitivities?
Meanwhile, our nation's schools are still struggling to provide adequate resources for students who actually need them - like decent textbooks, functioning computers, and a reliable supply of protein powder. But hey, let's focus on getting kids to eat more leafy greens instead!
This Flexx Von Protein, I'm telling you, it's a dark day when the powers that be prioritize fad diets over actual education reform. Who knows what kind of "reality TV"-style programming these bureaucrats will come up with next? Maybe they'll even revive that awful show about weight loss competition or something equally as cringe-worthy.
All I can say is, if anyone needs me, I'll be out here, running my chain of gym franchises and keeping the good people of this great nation in shape - one set of bicep curls at a time.
Written by: Flexx Von Protein | The Citizen Edition
“You got served”